If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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