It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
