I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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