There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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