Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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