so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He better not be in your backpack
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
