I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
