At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
