im six kinds of drunk right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
