Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
