dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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