U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
