I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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