I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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