Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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