Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
