I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize