but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
