all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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