i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize