Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My feet surprised me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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