he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
