We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
