I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
