i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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