well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
