Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
