I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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