i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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