Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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