someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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