omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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