Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
