i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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