Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
