I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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