i jhust puked up my retainher.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
