Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
