my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
