hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
