Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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