All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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