there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
please don't ironically join a cult
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