Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
