Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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