So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
