I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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