I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
