where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
