The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
