As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So squirting runs in the family.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
