The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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