he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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