I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
