You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
