Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
