I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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