I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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