listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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