All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
