Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
