I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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