yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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