I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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