WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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