eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
