the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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