sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
