i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
