Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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