Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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