i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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