A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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