yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
